Jobs. I want one, or two, that fulfill my bank account needs without me feeling like I don't have a life otherwise. I wonder what I am doing wrong. I work hard. I'm intelligent. I'm personable. I don't understand how I can't live well with what I make now. I don't begrudge my lifestyle or way of living. I don't think I am frivolous or unreasonable with my money, most times. I suppose eventually it will fall into place.
I thought last night that my thinking upon him was just wanting the idea of a relationship, but not him?
I'm not sure when the questioning stops. I'm not sure when I just accept things as they are instead of inventing meanings and reasons and whys and whynots.
School is exhausting me. I have to remember it's not forever.
I have painting to do, but I just feel like reading myself out of reality. Reality should be good. I feel jaded. My brain is clouded with worries: money, school, future, doing things. Like Radcliffe said, I just want to relax and think. And have fun with my friends. Oh, and be relatively comfortable.
Those are the negatives. For the positives: the smell of freshly-made coffee wafting about; bright flowers in greenness; piercing sunlight; strangers saying hello; dogs' love; sauteed garlic; an unexpected smile; access to music that fills my ears; and cleanliness. Being warm in bed on a cold fall night. The smell of shampooed hair.
That is all for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment