BankAccounts & Dreams

It seems inevitable that each month, or every week, I wonder how I'll pay these bills that come with living the way I do. It seems like just living, though I suppose I could go out to the woods and eschew all modern-day efforts at civilization and society. I'd probably be less stressed. Then again, maybe I'd be stressed about catching food and clean water.
I must laugh and figure it'll work out. I can't let it dominate me. Though when considering graduate schools, I feel a little frivolous when I consider that I'll be getting further into the fine arts without a clear career path or option. This worries me because I feel I should pursue something that leads me to a somewhat secure job option after graduation. I don't really want to put myself in this position of wondering about money basics again. And, I feel in my makeup that I'd like a lifestyle with a little more structure than I've got. I think it'd do me well.
What does this mean, however, in terms of studying? It's been my dream to go to PAFA, so I believe I will. I feel overwhelmed when I consider entering graphic design, or all these other things I feel are beyond my grasp. I'm thinking: take other classes in design while I'm at school to see if that's what I'd like to do as well. Then I can also always teach or do the museum thing. But the point is: I want my studies to be in a more structured way.
I feel I'm taking steps backward in realizing this, and that I'm somewhat abandoning my creating. It doesn't mean I abandon it, and, if it's not fulfilling still, then I should move on without looking back. And if I want to do it in the future, then I can. And maybe this more structured job, whatever I find out it to be, will fulfill my need for structure and creativity in the arts. *sigh* I just don't know exactly what this means, and I'm a little impatient to find a more lucrative way of living so as to more fully enjoy: living.
My parents say I'll be fine, monetarily, based on things they've set up. And I do appreciate that, no doubt at all I am very fortunate. But I also want something that is my own, and to know I can take care of myself by myself if need be, and to build something that is mine.
That is all.
Now, on to the weekend of Voodoo.