Goddamnit, I am one foolish and awkward human being, considering the tail-end of the day.
I don't know how I managed it, but:
-Sat on the beach RIGHT next to hot guy I met Saturday. A normal human would say hi or acknowledge his presence. No, I went in to full stalker mode and didn't say anything. Why? I was too shy? So I come off creepy? This is why I don't try to flirt or begin things with people. Jesus Christ. In my defense, he was teaching a lesson to someone, and I didn't want to interupt. However, still awkward and weird at the end. Fuck me.
-Went running around the park really fast to try to banish said embarrassment. Instead, almost threw up, and then my face almost ate it on the sidewalk cobblestone at a red light with the people in the cars just watching me.
Jesus. I don't really know what to do. I don't care about the almost falling part, but now I realize that I am becoming more "seen," as my artwork is in the cultural magazine across town, and I also am curating a show which is on facebook. So I'm not exactly apart of the woodwork. And, I neglected to realize it's Savannah that I'm living in, and everyone knows everyone, and I've since quickly realized that this hot guy, to whom I appear a stalker, is friends with my friends. Awesome. Multiple friends. In a normal city, I'd just say fuck it and forget eventually. Odds are, though, I will see him again. Sooner than later. I'd like to not think about it until then, but, fuck, what am I to do to turn around the stalker image he must have of me? Just act real cool and nonchalant? Christ. Christchrist.
I always knew I wasn't cool. Shoot. There I am.
I just wanted the possibility of seeing him again. And maybe having some balls and talking to him. I guess the moment passed, on Saturday, and I shouldn't have tried to recreate it so closely to him.
But fuck the thinking ahead so much! I just wanted to go to the beach. And then I went to the exact spot I saw him. I guess I didn't think he'd for sure be there, and I could play it cool. Argh. I was so uncool. to the max.
I wanted to try to take control and be powerful in relationship interaction. I failed? Or I took a step and tripped. It happens. Just wish I didn't have to confront those who saw me eat it. Again. Ah, humanity. I blame it on a brain skippage. That is all. I really try to be A+. Life just shakes me up.
And, to relate back to the title, I rolled down my window as I left the beach. A bird had pooped partially digested sardines on my window. I rolled up my window.
